I worked really hard on this one and I love it. But the person I made it for as a practice commission didn’t like it. I didn’t anticipate what it would feel like to lose custody of my hard work for someone who doesn’t fall in love with it the way I do. I guess that’s just art for you. Something I’ll have to deal with. But a very petty part of me want to take it back and give it to someone who will appreciate it more.

The long hair and beard really help the side profile not look so dumb

Let’s be real I only came back to this app to post thirst traps. Time has done me well, okay

Hey all, long time no see… talk?…. type?

Being off tumblr has been very good. But this is my place where I say things when I need to say them and I don’t know who else to say them to.

Over the past year I have experienced the worst panic attacks of my life, flashbacks both painful and enlightening, extreme executive dysfunction, emotional dysregulation, insomnia, fatigue, and I’m just overall burnt out.

Rough shit.

Truth is I needed it all. I didn’t realize what was just beneath the surface for the 25 years prior to this major fall.

Now I know that I very likely have autism, complex ptsd, and adhd (a few other diagnosis have been thrown around but I have less proof). I also now know that life doesn’t have to be this hard.

I have lived my whole life believing I lived the same experiences as everyone else and when I failed or met my capacity it was my fault. And that I was just too weak to live this life. I now understand that’s not true. It’s still hard to believe it often, but understanding is a good first step.

On the downside I’m terrified I’ll never truly get the diagnosis I need and that I’ll never be strong enough to get out of the bad situation I’m in now.

Trying not to think about that tho. Right now I’m just trying to just remember who I was before I “fixed” myself to fit in. I’m practicing letting myself stim at will. I’m practicing having fun and being present and prioritizing me, myself, and I. Cuz I fucking deserve it. And I need me. I’m all I’ve got.

Thanks for listening…or not. 🤷🏼‍♂️

somecraydude:

Yes hello I would like to cancel my annual subscription to Seasonal Depression please thank you.

I need some safe to sit with me a while. I need someone safe to sit with me a while. I need someone safe to sit with me a while. I need someone safe to sit with me a while. I need someone safe to sit with me a while.

No one feels safe. And no one has the patience for my silence.

…….

oozins:

(via newtlord)

ao3commentoftheday:

ao3commentoftheday:

There’s a fine line between perfectionism and procrastination.

The line is fear, and if you can’t cross it you’ll never get finished.

(via bipolar-type-2-confessions)

I’m SO overwhelmed. I can feel my anxiety rising and my functionality freezing. How am I going to make it through this year?? How am I going to make it through the next two fucking weeks?!